…………….WHEN I SEE YOU AGAIN !!!

Renu I love you…
Your presence I miss…
And I terribly long…
For the one last kiss…

This day, 6 weeks ago, God took away the most beautiful person from my life – my love, my friend, my wife. Renu (Raji), you are a ROLE MODEL. A role model mom, a role model wife, a role model daughter, a role model sister, a role model friend, a role model student, a role model doctor. Your SMILE, as people say, could light up the entire world. I thank you for coming into my life. The 6 and half years we lived together was worth more than 65 years of togetherness. You were always by my side, in good times and bad. You gave me all the love that I could ever imagine. You made our house a home. You gave me everything. And 2 years back you gave me the most precious gift – our little angel Annabelle. You are undeniably the best mom ever.

All that came to an abrupt end that night. My heart aches, my eyes leak, my soul feels hollow when I think that you are gone.

People told me it was God’s plan. He wanted you to be safe with Him in Heaven. I hated God and I told him that. Even when I prayed for Annabelle’s recovery, I told God I would never forgive Him for what he did. Then I heard God telling me that he was happy to hear the truth from me. He knows that I am angry at Him and its good I didn’t lie to Him. He told me not to worry as my wife was safe and happy in Heaven.

I asked God, what do I tell Annabelle when she asks me “ Dad, if Mom was the best person like everyone says, why did God take her away so soon?” God replied, tell Annabelle that her mom was the most beautiful flower in God’s garden. And when you are in your garden which flower do you pick first to keep with you ? The most beautiful one of course. That’s the reason why God took away the most beautiful flower, your mom. He wanted her to be safe with Him in Heaven.

Then I asked God, why couldn’t HE give her a few more years to live with us. He told me this story :

“ Thirty years back, a great argument broke out in Heaven between two groups of angels. The argument was over a most beautiful soul that I had created. One group of angels argued that she should always remain in heaven, as earth was too bad a place for this soul to live in. The other group argued that she must be sent down to the earth as she could lighten up the darkness down there and change lives with her goodness. This argument went on and on till I finally decided that I would send her down to the earth. But I promised the first group of angels that my decision came with a condition. I told them that even though she will leave us and go down to the earth, it would not be long before she returns back to Heaven. She is my most beautiful creation and she will not take a long time to fulfill her mission. Her journey on earth will be brief and during this brief journey, she will bring light, joy and happiness to the world.” That soul, my son, was your wife. I gave my only son Jesus, almost the same number of years in this world. Do you think I didn’t love my son, that I took him away? Your wife, Annabelle’s mother, had fulfilled her mission on earth and that is the reason I took her back to where she belongs. And I promise you that she is happy and safe with Me. I also promise you that when you complete your journey here, you will see her again.

This story changed my life. I am grateful to God that he chose me to be the lucky one to have her in my life.

As for the Devil I admit that you won. You succeeded in making me hate my God. But let me tell you that your victory was short lived. You wanted to make my wife suffer, but God took her away to a safe place where you cannot dare enter. You tried your best to make my daughter suffer but you forgot that when my wife was a mortal human being, she didn’t allow you to touch our daughter. You were foolish to think that you could compete with my wife when she is an angel up above. She made sure that Annabelle recovered. Again, you lost. If you want to try your luck again, I dare you…bring it on…Together with my daughter on earth and my wife above, we are one big army. When our angel is with us nothing can harm us.

Renu (Raji), I always wanted you to be happy. So now when you are in the safest and happiest place ever, I know I should be happy for you. I promise you that we will be happy too.

“Do not stand at my grave and weep…I’m not there, I don’t sleep. ” I will not cry anymore as I know that eventually I am going to be with you again-for it’s not a question of IF..it’s just a question of WHEN. And when that time comes I will be in perfect bliss, coz no longer would I have to wait for that one last kiss. My only regret is that there are a few things left untold. I will tell you all that and more when I see you again !!!

57 thoughts on “…………….WHEN I SEE YOU AGAIN !!!

  1. Hello sir !! Sorry for yur lost sir !! It’s was really Hurted so much wen v came to know about it !! But sir v ll be always for yur sir supportive and be yur followers for yur kind heart sir ! Plz take care of yurself and little angel sir !! May God bless Yu always sir

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  2. Ashish..you are one of the nicest person I have ever known… When I had seen your wife’s pic on FB..felt that God had blessed you with a lovely angel…together with your cute daughter you were such a perfect family…it had restored my belief that good things happen to good people… Not sure what plans God has…I can just say..its great that such a wonderful person became a part of your life.. Cherish the memories

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  3. Hi! I am Meghna and she was my batchmate. Raji was a sweet girl. Its still hard to believe shes nt thr anymore. I hope she rests in peace. Good luck to u n Annabelle. I understand your sorrow must be beyond any words. I pray, god will give you the strenghth to continue with your life and to take care of ur angel daughter.

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    1. Thank u Meghna.. But u got a few things wrong.. She is very much here with us.. I see her in my daughter everyday.. And she doesn’t rest in peace.. She is busy making heaven an even better place for us..And there is no sorrow.. There is only hope.. Hope of seeing her again.. Thank u for ur prayers..

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  4. I am sure, yours and Anna’s angel will always be there for you. You are indeed lucky and blessed Ashish, for you were the chosen one to spend your precious moments with this lovely angel.

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  5. I cannot dare say that I can imagine what you have been through…..But i can tell I am so proud of you for inner strength and courage In you. I admire you for that and pray for peace and happiness for you….till you are together again!!!

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  6. Raji was an amazing human being , and she was my best friend , more closer than family was . I miss her every day , but I know she is in a better place .
    Today she is even more happy that Ashish and Annabelle , her two most prized possessions , are safe and protected by the Lord almighty . She is always there in our memories
    I pray that you Ashish and Annabelle are strong throughout .
    And I miss you Raji, my dear friend, everyday and I will wait for the day we meet again .

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  7. ashish and anu…raji is your guardian angel now…i miss her sooo much….but i know God never lets anything bad to happen to those who love him even though we never may understand why.I continue to pray thay God gives you the inner strength and courage.

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  8. Hi sir ,
    I am sorry for ur loss … Really proud to see the step u took.
    It makes us feel in real that raji mam is there in heaven with god, dt she gave u the strength to overcome the fall…

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  9. Dear Ashish ,

    I know the immeasurable pain of losing a spouse , as I myself lost my beloved husband and my soul mate to cancer a year ago , when he was just 35, after only 5 years of marriage. He left me with our beautiful son. I have accepted that it was meant to be this way . And that we will meet again soon in a better place than here.

    I can only say that you are not alone . We share your grief.

    Wishing you all the strength and courage.

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  10. “You Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light” – Psalm 18:28 Sir you have gone through painful situations which anyone could barely sustain but there is peace that surpasses all human understanding which God has revealed to you and here u are a living testimony to all of us. ‪remembering you and Annabella in our prayers. Stay strong

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  11. Hi Ashish,
    Im sangeeta rajis school mate in doha. Im so happy for the strength the Lord has showered upon you and Annabelle. My eyes filled with tears reading your ppst5 but so happy that the Lord has turned your sorrow in joyful praise. .. a verse that has always strengthened my family is jer 29: 11″ for i know the plans i have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future”. Im so glad that God has shown you the hope and the future to press on towards. Raji was a sweet gurl, always so calm and composed and indeed you have been lucky. You are remembered in our prayers and do keep your faith and courage going on. The Lord is our strength and sheild. GOD BLESS !

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  12. Dr. Ashish,
    Barnali in US. I was speechless when I got the news, still puzzled at times with ” God’s plans”. Prayed for lil Annabelle’s recovery, worried about your well being. But I am so glad to see that you managed to evolve through this event and stay strong. The devil was defeated. Dr. Raji is and will always remain an angel in my mind with that beautiful smile of hers. You are also enriching and inspiring others with your deep insight and views on life and death. Indeed I understood, through your thoughts that it is all God’s plan and we are all here on earth for a mission and it is best to accept his wish. Raji touched my life too. A strong woman, very headstrong, knew her priorities and yes she truly felt like a messiah from heaven to guide us. Take care.

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  13. Hi Ashish, I dono you as a person nor raji nor ann..but your blog shows the faith n trust tat god has restored to u towards ur lyf..as God say evrythng happens for a purpose and a reason..nothing can replace someone but God can always change situations in lyf for the best again..God bless you all😊
    Madhu

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  14. Hi sir…
    Mam is safe in God’s hand..I knew her nd her family since childhood from doha….
    It was a shocking news…
    ur angel ND u will b guided by God’s angel throughout your life….our prayers will b always there for you ND ur loving angel…may God bless you and ur dear one…

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  15. I was shocked to see this post and I just prayed what I read was not true. . I have seen you as a frd and then see you grow as a husband come father. You might remember how I appreciate your way of celebrating Anna ‘ s birthday every month. . I now think that was too for a reason. . You guys lived every day ten fold and as you say I too believe it is going to be even better. Let anna see her mum and dad through you and let us also see you both in you! I wish you all the strength to grow even stronger and stronger. . Good luck Raji and Ashish!

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  16. Ashish I dont know what should I write but l am u r the most luckiest person bcoz Renu came into ur life nd u are blessed with an angel Anna . She is always there to take care of U nd Anna .Love is forever. May God always shower blessings on Anna .Take care .

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  17. I am literally in tears sir after reading this.. I remember how u used talk about mam and lit up with happiness.. you wr so blessed to have eachother sir.. And am glad to see you that you r loving her more and more… I just pray that u shall have all strength and happiness sir.

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  18. I was literally in tears sir after reading this… I remembered how u used talk abt mam and u just lit up with happiness… you wr blessed to have eachother sir… I am just speechless of ur love for her… I pray for your strength and happiness sir.

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  19. Hi sir and annabelle

    God selects the best or the one he loves the most..that was RAJI chechi…..

    Your testimony here is truly a vision to all of us how god has been strengthening you and the family.
    God is gonna still make ur journey with annabelle even more beautiful and blessed
    Always in our prayers..

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  20. Dear ashish anna..
    Raji worked with me just 30 days during internship, 5yrs back.. but we were talking to each other till now.. we both share a lovely friendship.. still remember the day when we both shared the news that we were pregnant at exactly the same time.. frankly speaking i don’t talk to many of my batch mates but I do with raji.. even now.. i was in deep agony. I couldn’t stay at home after i heard the news. I left to kerala without any idea where i am going to. But as she wished i went to her house without any hassle and met her.. i left the place with heavy heart.. more than that i have been trying hard from many sources abt annu’s health.. but dint get any information. Frustrated that i am clueless..

    Went to temple yesterday.. prayed god for her recovery. Came home. Got msg from bindhya abt ur blog.. after reading ur blog. I really felt happy.. very happy to hear that annu’s fine.. happy to know that my best friend is an angel.. and i am happy that i have a place in my angel’s heart.. now i can talk to her whenever i feel like.. i love you raji.. and happy for you anna.. buvani.. Raji’s best friend forever..

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    1. Buvani u don’t have to introduce urself. I know how close u are to Raji. And I know how much she loves u.. Thank u for ur prayers..like I said, Raji is in a better place and she will take care of us all n that includes u too coz u are very close to her heart.

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      1. Very happy to know that i am this close to her heart from you anna.. everyday i talk to her.. i love her even more now.. i am waiting for that day when i am going to meet her again and have the same fun that we had together..

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  21. Dear brother ashish….
    I WAS SHATTERED TO HEAR THE NEWS ABOUT RAJI… YOUR BELOVED WIFE… WONDERED WHY GOD DID THIS … YOUR BLOG JUST SHOWED WHAT GEM OF A PERSON YOU ARE. I THANK LORD SO MUCH THAT HE GAVE YOU ANABELLE… MAY GOD WOULD GIVE YOU ALL THE STRENGTH…. YOUR BELOVED WIFE IS SAFE IN GOD S HANDS .
    YOUR OLD MBBS BATCH MATE… ARUN.

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  22. Dear Ashish
    Though you don’t know me, Raji was my biology student in Doha school. Indeed it was a shocking news for me Her calm and smiling face is only in front of me and will remain like that.May Almighty God give you strength to overcome this loss. You are always in my thoughts and prayers

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  23. Dear ashish, everyone thinks that we are the physical body but our true self is the soul which is never born and never died.it is eternal.your wife is still with you and your daughter and very close to you.every tragic incident that happens in our lives is to proof that the spirit is only real and everything is in a state of change and temporary. the only place of security is complete surrender to lord Jesus and love him beyond everything .that is the only thing needed in this life.I will pray to the lord to give you the holy spirit to comfort you and heal your daughter completely.let the love of lord Jesus always be with you both.God bless you.we will be in touch.

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  24. Hi sir
    I don’t know wat to say. I lost my husband in an accident on Jan 5th 2016 .am left with my 2yrs old daughter seanna.we were married 4 three wonderful years. And all of a sudden my dream my life is shattered.I known my lord loves me a lot his grace is sufficient for me&my daughter 2 live.my dad is teaching me new things & making me strong each day.the pain will not go but lord will teach us 2 live with pain.so be happy & tc of Anna.

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  25. Hi Ashish.
    I came to know this the time it happened but couldn’t think of calling you as there were no words that could bring solace. I always have known you – as one of the best creations of God and so must be your wife and daughter. Losing a loved one is a damage that will never be repaired, but we can have fond memories and inspire ourselves to work better for the rest of our stay here, as you have mentioned. There may be moments when you so terribly wish that the person should be here, to cheer a success or a failure or when you want to do something for them but then you just smile and remember that they are and will always be. Raji must be so proud of you forever.

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  26. Hello,

    I lost my wife and unborn son on June 7th – we were married for only a year and expecting our first born on Sept 11th, 2016. I lost them suddenly and it has shattered my world. I stumbled upon your blog as I was researching “How to Deal with Grief.” Your words and energy have given me a breathe of fresh air – thank you. I know that God’s most beautiful flowers are in heaven and they are in a beautiful place.

    Thank you

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